Can’t seem to Decide? Five Signs that Signal We’re Not Living a Created Life
Life is full of opportunities to make decisions and choose how we are going to live our lives. Often, when there is so much choice available to us, it can feel a little overwhelming. It can also feel a little enticing to veer from our stated paths or choices about what we really want in life and end up where we really don’t want to belong.
In these situations, often people end up letting life happen TO them. It seems like this approach is a heck of a lot easier, right?
I would propose that this isn’t actually the case. When lives are lived on default mode, life kind of becomes a bit of a crap shoot and we don’t actually know where we are actually going to end up.
How do we know if we are letting life happen to us?
Here are 5 signs we are living life on DEFAULT:
We avoid making decisions
We prolong decision making or we procrastinate making decisions. When we do this, we perpetuate a bunch of decision anxiety, as piles of unmade decisions keep nagging at us in the back of our mind, sucking our vitality and energy without us even knowing it’s happening.
We are in a perpetual state of confusion.
We think, ’ll think about this later. I don’t know yet. I’m confused,” or “I can’t decide.”
A confused mind is often a sign that fear is at play. We are afraid that we will let someone down, including ourselves. We are afraid that we’ll make the “wrong” decision. We are afraid that our life won’t be “perfect.” When we are confused, we give ourselves a ticket to think about it later, only prolonging the discomfort that comes from not making a decision. And…here is the kicker that we really don’t want to face…we get to avoid being responsible.
We are going to be uncomfortable anyway, why not be uncomfortable upfront and propel ourselves into action where we accomplish our dreams?
We procrastinate making decisions because we fear that they won’t be right.
We have a belief system that there are right and wrong decisions.
What may be going on in this situation is that we FEAR not getting it RIGHT! Being a perfectionist sounds pretty and admirable. It isn’t. It’s actually a fear-based way of living.
This creates the scenario where you have to take up brain energy to reconsider the same decision over and over and over and over again and it costs us our energy and peace.
We worry that others won’t be happy.
One other thing that may be going on when we are avoiding making decisions and honoring our word to ourselves is that we are afraid of letting someone else down in our lives or we are uncomfortable with them feeling unhappy or annoyed. We end up becoming a people pleaser at the expense of our own well-being and we are keeping ourselves from living the lives that we want.
We let people pleasing trump being true to ourselves. This isn’t helpful. Often what we are telling ourselves what someone else is thinking isn’t even true. All they are waiting for is for us to share our possibilities with them…in such a way that it leaves them touched, moved and inspired. And when that happens, they want to join us in what we are creating and everybody wins. When that doesn’t happen, it’s fine, too. All that means is that we’re different in our wants and everything is actually o.k. Everybody has their agency, right? It doesn’t mean that we can’t choose ours.
We second guess ourselves.
Never mind becomes our mantra. We live a back and forth existence. We say, “THIS is what I’m going to do,” and then we end up saying, “NEVER MIND, THIS is what I’m going to do,” and we go back and forth, back and forth.
This is scarcity mentality at its best, my friend. We are actually trying to dodge any risk or any failure. It feels like we are taking action, because we are making a lot of decisions and yet those decisions are not getting us anywhere. In this scenario, trust yourself and self-coach your brain that what you have decided is actually the best choice because it’s the choice you made. And live as if it is.
Make decisions to free up your energy. Keep your goals and priorities at the forefront of your life. Garner the courage it takes to make a decision and follow that up with action, trusting that everything will turn out great, even if that action feels uncomfortable. Your brain likes to win and take the path of least resistance. It doesn’t like to be challenged. Call your brain out and tell it to calm down. You can do this.
Oh, and be willing to fail. Failure is what creates growth anyway, right? Avoidance keeps us stuck and small. In reality, what would really serve us well would be to fail on purpose, all of the time. Who said failing was so terrible, anyway? How many times did Edison fail to create the light bulb? In his mind, he wasn’t failing at all. "I didn't fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps."
So, how about being willing to take a step. Just keep making choices, trust yourself, and step into your decisions powerfully with action. Don’t look back. You have nothing to lose except what “could have been.”